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The skill of restoring calm and self-control (the positive interval) and the importance of teaching it to our children

 Hello to all dear visitors to my child’s world, with the development of time and the development of everything related to education, we must introduce into our educational culture a lot of awareness in dealing with situations and matters. One of the most important skills that must be taught to ourselves and our children is the skill of regaining calm and self-control, which is called the positive break.

How is that???

Imagine yourself as an employee and you have made a mistake, and your boss comes to you and says: “Go and sit in the isolation room and think about what you did. And do not come back until I allow you to do so.” Or if you're married, imagine your partner coming to you and saying, “I don't like your behavior so you're in jail for a week.” Imagine your feelings in each of these scenarios, imagine what you're thinking and deciding. Is there any possibility that you'd say, "Wow?" Thank you very much. This is a very useful suggestion. “I feel encouraged and empowered, and I can hardly wait to be better.” That's not a possibility
naturally .

The skill of restoring calm and self-control (the positive interval) and the importance of teaching it to our children

Where did we get this crazy idea that children have to feel bad feelings in order to behave better? This crazy idea is the basis of punitive segregation. Of course, it is as ineffective with children as it is with adults.

Children make decisions all the time about themselves (am I good or bad, capable or incapable), decisions about others (are they supportive, friendly...or not), and then decisions about what they will do in the future (what should I do?) I do so that I may live and prosper. These decisions help shape the child's character (although many are made on a subconscious level).


When children are sent to punitive segregation they are likely to think, "Next time they won't catch me." "I'll get you." Or, worst of all, “I'm bad.”

:Positive separator

A positive break or positive time out is a completely different matter. The child (or students in the classroom) participate in designing and implementing a “positive break zone” and it is usually filled with fun things to help them calm down so that they can communicate through the conscious mind and thus behave better. After designing the “positive break zone”, they can For children, give it another name, for example, “My Space” or “My Quiet Place.” They may call it a strange or funny name. This helps them get rid of their negative feelings about “punitive isolation.”

We then offer or allow the child to “choose” to go to the positive break area instead of being sent there as punishment. During a disagreement or problem, you may introduce the matter to him by saying, “Would it help to go to your ‘good place?’” If your child says, “No,” ask him again, “Do you want me to go with you?” (This is often encouraging for the child and makes him feel that you are keen to communicate If your child keeps saying no or if he's having a tantrum and can't even hear you, you can say, "Okay, I'm going to my positive time-out." You will then be teaching him by example which is great.


:Go to your own place

Of course, it is good that you, as a mother or father, have your own positive buffer zone to set an example for your children in learning the skill of self-control. Also, the best thing you can do in the event of a dispute is to go to your place before embarking on any solution. Instead of asking your child if going there will help him feel like he's in a good place, just go to your own place. A break can be a physical space or simply a time block during which you can practice deep breathing, counting to ten (or 100), meditating on how much you love your child, etc.


:The positive separator is not suitable for children under three years of age

If a child is not old enough to design their own positive separation area they are not old enough to understand any type of separation, even a positive separation. For this age group we recommend helping them calm down in the moment by sitting on your lap, holding a favorite blanket or pillow, or counting slowly and teaching them how to take deep breaths together to calm down.


Using these tools early will help develop important life skills to calm the nerves and relax.

Remember that even a positive break is not always the most effective educational tool for helping children learn self-discipline, responsibility, problem-solving skills, and other valuable social and life skills. But this is one of the most important methods of positive education, and this is what our child needs at the present time.